Follow Mariam

I’ve been meaning to write about the birth of my second daughter but I’ve been such a slow poke.

Little Layla was born November 1st so she is officially two weeks old today! Her big sister Sarah is 2 and a half.

This time around the birthing experience was downright amazing. Maybe it’s because I feel like an old pro already? lol.

We are so blessed to have two beautiful and healthy daughters and I’m truly in awe. Am I really a mom?

Everyday when I gaze upon my baby’s face or look into my older daughter’s eyes I’m reminded how lucky I am to have been able to bring them into this world. And I’m equally blessed with a husband who is hands on and helps with everything. I honestly don’t know how single parents are able to do it.

Raising children is a very hard task. It’s more than just popping them out after 9 months. It’s about making sure they’re cared for and nurtured. It’s about trying to give them the best life possible and teaching them right from wrong. And most of all it’s about letting them know that they are loved.

I want to give my daughters the confidence to live their lives in whatever way they choose. I hope that they choose to do so in a manner that is kind, peaceful, honest, caring, loving, and moral.

I will give my all to provide them with the tools they need, but in the end all I can do is sit back and watch them grow all the while hoping they make the right choices and avoid heartache and mistakes.

I’m sure they’ll have a few slips along the way, but we all do, after all to err is human.

My brothers and I were not allowed to eat junk food or candy growing up.

Perhaps that’s why I’m such an addict now.

I’m completely obsessed with candy and sweets in general. I could literally live off of desert and never eat real food. But of course that’s not healthy and I do want to live to see my kids grow up.

Sometimes I get worried that I’ll have diabetes because of the amount of sugar I eat. My husband told me the other day that he recorded an episode of Dr. Oz for me because the topic was how sugar is an addiction.

I told him I already figured that out.

I’ve gone cold turkey with no sweets for two weeks straight, and then I never craved a single piece of chocolate after that.

But, being the social eater that I am, once I get together with friends it’s hard not to munch on something that everyone else is. They make food look so good!

I’m trying to make a resolution here to stop eating sweets and just get back to nature. Eat more raw fruits and veggies and get back on track.

There is truth to the fact that fresh fruits and vegetables will boost your energy.. I’ve been there, done that.  I’ve just fallen off the wagon again. For some reason this last month of pregnancy has made me feel entitled to every single whim. I’ve eaten junk food that I never would have considered before because I keep telling myself once the pregnancy is over I wont have any more excuses so I better get it all now while I still can!

At least I worked out through this entire pregnancy, that much I can say to make myself feel better about my binging. But I hope that I can do better not only for myself, but to be an example for my family.

I don’t want my kids growing up feeling deprived, but I also want them to know how to balance the sweet and the salty.

It has been so rainy and gloomy these last few days and for me weather plays a big role for my mood.

Maybe it sounds crazy cause people will tell me, “You can make yourself happy or depressed.” But honestly it’s not that simple. My mother claims I feel like this because of our Swedish side. “It’s called the black mood.” And then my neighbor tells me I should get a special light for people who have S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder).

I can be happy when it’s gloomy outside but I’m just not myself. As soon as the sunshine comes out I’m excited and energetic and ready to take on the day!

That’s probably why I’m so obsessed with Florida. We go there on vacation every year and I’m so relaxed. My husband says it’s because vacation is a carefree and relaxing time, but I know it’s because of the weather.

I love it when it’s hot and humid outside, there is nothing that feels better. Unfortunately living in Chicago a few blocks from the lake means lots of cold and windy days.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Chicago too. The winter is freezing but, as long as I stroll down Michigan ave. enjoying the street musicians playing Christmas songs and the hustle and bustle of shoppers and the smells of baked goods and nutmeg, I feel OK. It’s just that in-between weather that truly dissappoints.

It’s not fall and it’s not winter. It is cold and damp and people are grumpy. So grumpy they will drive really fast and turn the corner into a puddle and splash all the people waiting at the bust stop.

Luckily I’ve avoided getting soaked this year.

I keep going back and forth about whether to continue writing a personal blog here, or if I should just leave this as a place for my professional profile.

Maybe I can do both?

In the meantime for those few readers out there who check this regularly, I have a few stories I just wrote for Hijabtrendz that you might find interesting and worthy of a juicy read.

How I Met My Husband

How I Got Engaged

How I Got Married

If there is one thing I will never understand, it’s people who take jobs working with customers and then act like they’re having their teeth pulled if you approach them with any request.

Why would you work in a job that requires you interact with people if you can’t even try to be nice?

I understand some folks take jobs just because they have to pay the rent and it’s not something they really enjoy. But the fact is that if you put a little positivity into whatever job you have, you can make your day that much more bearable.

I’m not saying this as someone who’s high and mighty never having worked in the service industry. I say this as someone who’s done everything from cleaning computer labs to working as a sales associate at Victoria’s Secret. I’ve been there done that. And although there are difficult customers at times, you still put a smile on your face and do the best you can. Even if you’re being paid minimum wage.

My biggest pet peeve is when I have to avoid things because the people who work there are so mean.

One example is the Chicago Public Library Harold Washington branch. I have never in my life experienced such attitude. The people there are so unfriendly and I literally have a small panic attack if I ever have to ask them a question.

No one smiles, no one is happy to be there and as a matter of fact, the only time they speak to you is when they want to point something out that you’re doing wrong.

“Ma’am you can’t sit on the floor!”

A security guard literally came all the way across the library to tell me that. I’m 8 months pregnant, I can barely move, I had to rest for a second and I was in a corner of the library looking over some books.

Last time I checked the library is for people to enjoy reading, it’s not a museum full of breakable artifacts. I was so startled I jumped up and apologized.

Another visit to the kid’s section of the library was also bizarre. We barely walked through the door when the security guard barked at my 2 year old.

“No running!”

She wasn’t running, just doing the happy excited skip a little kid does when they’re greeted by shelves of children’s books. Way to make a kid feel welcome and encourage literacy.

The only thing I can conclude is the people at this particular library do not want you to read, they do not want you to relax, and they certainly do not want to do anything other than sit at their computer.

It’s so far removed from my childhood where librarians and other staff where eager to help you and actually shared your passion for books.

Maybe it’s because it’s a big city library or maybe the person hiring actually looks for mean people… I have no clue.

I keep forcing myself to go back so that I can check out books for my daughter and I try my best to hide my anxiety from her.

But I’m almost at my limit.

The last two times we went the same woman acted like a nutcase when we were waiting in line to check out books.

mean librarian: “I’m not open, wait for her she’ll help you.”

My daughter innocently places her books on the counter while we wait in line.

mean librarian: “I said I’m NOT OPEN SHE WILL TAKE YOU WHEN SHE’S READY.”

I was caught off guard because we didn’t even say anything to her, we merely were resting our stack of books on the counter and our portion of the line was by her desk.

Two seconds later some co-worker comes next to her and they start chatting.

mean librarian: “Check this out I was just reading on cnn.com about Illinois political corruption.”

As they say third times the charm. So, I swear if she acts like this one more time I will snap back.

I just have to come up with something to say that will make her realize what a jerk she is.

Living in Chicago has its perks because one often runs into celebrities.

It can be quite a cool experience if you’re like me and actually read celebrity news only to be like “wow these people are real” when you finally meet them in person.

Anyhow, two summers ago after I had my daughter (she was probably two or three months at the time) I was walking around downtown with my husband and mother in-law. We live a few blocks from the main shopping area so it was just another nice summer day of walking and enjoying the sunshine.

I had no expectations of meeting anyone famous and I was used to seeing millions of tourists everywhere so I just did what I always did, busted out the puke green colored sweater poncho my mom gave me.

I think she ordered it and didn’t like the color and initially I was skeptical about it, but it turned out to be the best thing for breastfeeding in public.

So I put it on and was walking down Michigan ave. with baby in tow underneath.

All of a sudden we see Aaron Eckhart standing there talking to some woman, and I’m like “Wait is that the guy we just saw in a movie”?

Of course, I failed to realize I was still nursing the baby beneath this ugly poncho and my mother-in-law who doesn’t speak English was right next to me completely oblivious to why I was going up to some strange man.

Me: “Are you the guy from Thank You for Smoking?”

Aaron Eckhart: “Yes, I am.”

Me: “That was such a good movie, we loved it!”

Aaron Eckhart: “Thank You.”

Me: “So are you enjoying Chicago?”

Aaron Eckhart: “Yes it’s beautiful, we’re here to start filming the new Batman movie.”

Me: “We won’t keep you just wanted to say hi”.

Then he said bye and ran off and caught a cab.

Now, later I realized that this seemingly normal conversation was probably very awkward. He was very polite and nice but I can only imagine what he must have been thinking.

Here is this trio of Muslims one of whom is extremely disheveled, scarf wrinkled and out of place, with a huge puke-green-fringed-poncho. What is she hiding? Is that a small foot poking out? Are those strange noises coming from under there?

I have learned my lesson and try my best to be a little more presentable when I leave the house.

There are just days when I’m so tired and lazy and think who cares if I go out in my pajamas? But those are usually the days I end up running into someone famous.

It’s a catch 22.

The title says it all. I’ve been meaning to update y’all on my little adventure but I think I’m still recovering.

First I have to say that I was impressed that the bus came on time and got us to Chicago in record time. We arrived 15 minutes before the scheduled arrival. Nice!

But that was what kept me from flipping out on the ride. I kept telling myself, “At least this is faster than the train.”

As soon as I saw the big blue bus come around the corner to our stop, I thought there was a mistake. I could have sworn I saw double decker buses that looked luxurious when I had looked into Megabus before, but this bus was a little raggedy and as soon as it stopped people jumped off to puff as fast as they could on their cancer sticks. So of course I had to walk through their stinky smog to board the bus.

I just let it slide. I figured since it was coming all the way from Memphis, these people were probably just tired from a long trip.

Wait a long trip? You know what that means? Yep, the entire bus had a funky and foul smell to it, not to mention that everyone had their items strewn all over the bus. They were quickly trying to pick up their bags and clothes and food and move them to one seat.

That’s right I paid for my seat and my daughter’s so you better move outta the way! I’m not sharing with anyone.

It just felt icky because the people had been sitting there for hours. My husband sat across from us and I made him take Sarah to the bathroom. I was not about to go back there. And for some reason if I don’t see something then I pretend it’s not there and I can feel better about it, otherwise I freak out and get all OCD about germs and how Sarah is going to get sick.

Well, of course shortly after she wanted to use the bathroom again but she wanted me to take her. I sucked it up and went back there to discover it was just one of those holes with everyone’s crap floating in it. I was gagging and trying not to breathe. It was SO DISGUSTING! To make it even NASTIER there was NO WATER!!!!!

I’m putting all those exclamation points because I started to have a panic attack. How many people used the bathroom then touched the handle to get out? NO ONE WASHED THEIR HANDS!

I was also panicking because we forgot to bring water with us so I couldn’t even use that. I tried to wipe our hands with some paper towels I had in my bag and keep an eye on Sarah, to make sure she didn’t put her hands in her mouth.

Just thinking about it now I feel like I’m going to freak out again.

My lesson learned is to ALWAYS have some kind of hand sanitizer or wet wipes, and that if I take the Megabus without a small child it would be OK since we wouldn’t use the bathroom. Otherwise the train is a much better alternative. However, at this rate I’d rather walk.

Back in the day there was a channel called “The Box” and it used to play music videos all the time.

It was great because my family didn’t get cable and I didn’t feel deprived of MTV. My brothers and I would jiggle that homemade foil antenae at the back of the TV until we could get some reception.

The Box would play artists like Jennifer Love Hewitt, Mandy Moore, and Jon B. I can’t remember who else, but those artists stick out in my mind for some reason. Whenever I hear those songs I remember a certain time in my life.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Music has a way of holding onto memories. There are certain songs that pinpoint a specific memory for me. For example the song “You are not alone” by Michael Jackson takes me back to the beaches of Saudi Arabia and the mountains of Colorado. Those were two specific moments in my life where I was so carefree and happy. (Not that I’m unhappy now, but it reminds me of my teenage years).

With regards to Jon B. his songs remind me of when I first settled in Illinois and started making new friends. I would sit around with the girls and we used to listen to Jon B. and debate what his background was.

“I swear he’s Arab, doesn’t he look like your brother’s friend Amir?”

“No I heard he’s a convert.”

“He has to be Muslim did you see the video where he’s in the desert and there are tents?”

I crack up thinking about it now because we had such intense conversations about someone we didn’t even know. And in those days it never occurred to us to look him up on the internet.

Since I’m writing this I decided I should look him up, and apparently he has a website and is working on a new album.

We’re finally going to go home yippee!

I just booked our tickets on the Megabus for tomorrow and It’s going to be a new adventure.

If we don’t drive we usually take Amtrak, but lately the train situation has become unbearable.

Because the passenger trains in Illinois share the same track as the freight trains, we are often stuck sitting on the tracks while we wait for the freight to go by. A trip that normally take 2.5 hours turns into a 4 hour ordeal. And what’s worse is the kind of folks who are on the train with you make you want to pull your hair out. And in my case I’d have to rip my scarf off first and then pull my hair out.

Last time we took Amtrak someone was watching a DVD without headphones so we all had to hear the violent shoot-em up movie the entire ride. Then there were the 2 kids that were so obnoxious my own daughter couldn’t fall asleep. One was a little girl who was probably about a year old and she was crying so hard she started to almost go into convulsions. I was so stressed out. I mean what do you do? Ask the parent if you can help or ignore it or call child services?

The other kid was a little boy about the same age as the screaming girl and he was standing on his seat about to tumble over the side while his mom sat there texting and then later I noticed she decided to go to sleep. This kid was whimpering the entire ride and trying to get his mom to notice him.  It was so depressing to see.

I vowed I would never ride Amtrak again.

So, here we are now, about to embark on a new form of transportation that has only received glowing reviews from friends. It’s cheaper than Amtrak and it gets to where it’s going without delays. I hope it lives up to its hype of  “air conditioned, clean, free wi-fi, free snacks and a bathroom on board.”

My only fear is that if it’s this good, it will soon enough be taken over by the train folks!

For some reason where my parents live is referred to as “the boonies”.

Maybe it’s because it’s far from Chicago (about three hours) and there are tons of corn fields and farms, not to mention the occasional woods here and there.

Well, I’m currently here helping my parents renovate one of their bathrooms and it looks like it’s going to be awhile.

My husband is really the one doing everything while everyone else (myself included) tries to tell him what he’s doing right and what’s wrong.

Poor guy has really put up with a lot. Not to mention it’s Ramadan and he’s doing all this labor intensive stuff while fasting.

I really hope he gets some brownie points with God!

In any case, this ambitious project is taking a lot longer than we expected. I think it’s mostly because of the constant debating that goes on regarding things like what we should install for the floor, what kind of sink we need, where the light fixtures are going to go, etc. If we spent more time actually doing work and less time talking we’d probably be done by now.

However, at the end of the day it’s all in good fun. It’s great to be around family again because living in isolation in the city can get cumbersome.

I’m just crossing my fingers that we get back to town and out of the boonies. There is nothing to do here besides eat, sleep, eat some more, sleep, drive around, or hang out at Super Walmart. It makes me appreciate the city that much more.

Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out at Walmart and finding deals, but I just want to sleep in my own bed, wake up and take a nice walk along the lake while the weather is still bearable.