May you rest in peace

My mother called me yesterday.

“I have some sad news, your grandmother passed away last night”.

I was speechless and all I remember saying was, “Are you serious?”

I then cried for literally 2 seconds and quickly stopped myself because my daughter was looking up at me with a frightened expression.

And that was it. No major tears. Nothing.

I think part of it is because the last time I saw my grandmother was four years ago at my wedding. She had come all the way from Beirut, Lebanon for the occassion. I didn’t keep in touch as much as I should have.

When I was younger and we went a few times to Lebanon for the summer, I remember how I would cry my eyes out when our vacation was over. Once we got back home I’d still cry for days and look at her picture and miss her so much. Maybe I just cried all my tears back then and didn’t realize it.

What I feel sad about mostly though is my dad. Seeing him sad makes me sad. I know he wishes he could have been there with her.

My grandmother was suffering from various ailments, and I hope that now she can finally rest in peace.

I love you Tayta and I’ll miss you.