I’m still pursuing my leads in the entertainment industry and all I can do is continue to apply and send out my information in hopes that I’ll eventually get an audition.

Entertaining has always been my passion, and I used to think in the past that I would never be able to pursue it.

It’s interesting because growing up I never thought I could do whatever I wanted. I just assumed because I was wearing a headscarf no one would even give me a chance.

So far, I’ve been happy to see some progress. I was accepted to two different talent agencies in Chicago, and that is something I never thought would ever happen. I’ve had a few acting gigs but nothing major. However, I was paid, so it really felt nice to be recognized as a professional.

Every now and then I waver a bit. I succumb to those voice of doubt in my head. But then I shake those negative thoughts off and continue to go forward. People say you really have to work hard and dedicate your time 24/7 to marketing yourself. In the past I didn’t believe enough in myself, but now I know I can do things and I believe it.

It’s funny because I was watching American Idol the other night and Simon was telling the contestant, “You have a good voice, stop thinking you’re not as good as everybody else.” And that message truly hit home. For years I would try to find people to sing with me because I was too scared to sing alone in front of a crowd. I also never had confidence in my singing abilities even though I know I can sing. For some reason as soon as I get in front of an audience it’s like my throat closes up and I sound like a screeching cat or something.

Part of my goals in breaking out of that shell and showing my true self, is to start posting some videos of my performances. I think I’ll do some monologues and some acapella songs and just take it from there.

Maybe through this exploration I can improve upon my skills and get used to letting other people see another side of me.

I just booked our tickets on the Megabus for tomorrow and It’s going to be a new adventure.

If we don’t drive we usually take Amtrak, but lately the train situation has become unbearable.

Because the passenger trains in Illinois share the same track as the freight trains, we are often stuck sitting on the tracks while we wait for the freight to go by. A trip that normally take 2.5 hours turns into a 4 hour ordeal. And what’s worse is the kind of folks who are on the train with you make you want to pull your hair out. And in my case I’d have to rip my scarf off first and then pull my hair out.

Last time we took Amtrak someone was watching a DVD without headphones so we all had to hear the violent shoot-em up movie the entire ride. Then there were the 2 kids that were so obnoxious my own daughter couldn’t fall asleep. One was a little girl who was probably about a year old and she was crying so hard she started to almost go into convulsions. I was so stressed out. I mean what do you do? Ask the parent if you can help or ignore it or call child services?

The other kid was a little boy about the same age as the screaming girl and he was standing on his seat about to tumble over the side while his mom sat there texting and then later I noticed she decided to go to sleep. This kid was whimpering the entire ride and trying to get his mom to notice him.  It was so depressing to see.

I vowed I would never ride Amtrak again.

So, here we are now, about to embark on a new form of transportation that has only received glowing reviews from friends. It’s cheaper than Amtrak and it gets to where it’s going without delays. I hope it lives up to its hype of  “air conditioned, clean, free wi-fi, free snacks and a bathroom on board.”

My only fear is that if it’s this good, it will soon enough be taken over by the train folks!

Maybe it’s because it’s far from Chicago (about three hours) and there are tons of corn fields and farms, not to mention the occasional woods here and there.

Well, I’m currently here helping my parents renovate one of their bathrooms and it looks like it’s going to be awhile.

My husband is really the one doing everything while everyone else (myself included) tries to tell him what he’s doing right and what’s wrong.

Poor guy has really put up with a lot. Not to mention it’s Ramadan and he’s doing all this labor intensive stuff while fasting.

I really hope he gets some brownie points with God!

In any case, this ambitious project is taking a lot longer than we expected. I think it’s mostly because of the constant debating that goes on regarding things like what we should install for the floor, what kind of sink we need, where the light fixtures are going to go, etc. If we spent more time actually doing work and less time talking we’d probably be done by now.

However, at the end of the day it’s all in good fun. It’s great to be around family again because living in isolation in the city can get cumbersome.

I’m just crossing my fingers that we get back to town and out of the boonies. There is nothing to do here besides eat, sleep, eat some more, sleep, drive around, or hang out at Super Walmart. It makes me appreciate the city that much more.

Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out at Walmart and finding deals, but I just want to sleep in my own bed, wake up and take a nice walk along the lake while the weather is still bearable.

Hopefully this means another year of discovering the world and all it has to offer.

Usually people seem to get all bummed out about getting old, and I feel that way at times. But then I think to myself,

“Self, you’ve got to just move on and enjoy life because it’s too short!”

So, this year I’m hoping to do more than just sit and think about what it is that I want to accomplish. I want to actually get out there and reach for things that I dream about.

I’m such a procrastinator and then I try to compensate by doing all the things I should have done in a very short amount of time. That is the way you get burned out!

So, here is to a new year, and a new outlook.

In the beginning it was the perfect arrangement. I’d never have to put my daughter in day care. But as time went on it took its toll on me. I felt too tired to even take care of my daughter during the day. And if she ever woke up in the middle of the night, due to teething or other issues, I’d be lucky to get 3 hours of sleep.

The money I wasted on cab rides was quite annoying as well, at least 5-7 bucks one way.  But it was too dark outside to walk,  and the area near my work was a little on the iffy side. ( I had encounters with crazy drunks while trying to get out of the cab on some days).

It took me so long to muster up the courage to quit. I kept thinking that if I left this job I would have no identity left. People would automatically assume I was just another housewife or mom and write me off.

The reason I felt like that is because as soon as people knew I was pregnant it was “Are you going to quit?”, “If you stay home too long your brain will turn to mush”, “If you quit your job in news you’ll never get back in because they want people who are up to date on everything”.

So of course I felt like a complete failure, but I knew I had to do it. I had to get myself back on track and able to function during the day.

I had to sacrifice some of my dreams in order to fulfill the dreams of a little human being who stole my heart the moment she was born.

If you were ever wondering who she is, or have come across her name during a Google search, this is the place to be.

You’ll finally know the true story of her life and what she’s all about.

This site includes regular updates on what she’s up to as well as stories of her past and where she’s been.

Feel free to stay awhile, this is going to be an interesting journey.