Follow Mariam

Back in the day there was a channel called “The Box” and it used to play music videos all the time.

It was great because my family didn’t get cable and I didn’t feel deprived of MTV. My brothers and I would jiggle that homemade foil antenae at the back of the TV until we could get some reception.

The Box would play artists like Jennifer Love Hewitt, Mandy Moore, and Jon B. I can’t remember who else, but those artists stick out in my mind for some reason. Whenever I hear those songs I remember a certain time in my life.

I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Music has a way of holding onto memories. There are certain songs that pinpoint a specific memory for me. For example the song “You are not alone” by Michael Jackson takes me back to the beaches of Saudi Arabia and the mountains of Colorado. Those were two specific moments in my life where I was so carefree and happy. (Not that I’m unhappy now, but it reminds me of my teenage years).

With regards to Jon B. his songs remind me of when I first settled in Illinois and started making new friends. I would sit around with the girls and we used to listen to Jon B. and debate what his background was.

“I swear he’s Arab, doesn’t he look like your brother’s friend Amir?”

“No I heard he’s a convert.”

“He has to be Muslim did you see the video where he’s in the desert and there are tents?”

I crack up thinking about it now because we had such intense conversations about someone we didn’t even know. And in those days it never occurred to us to look him up on the internet.

Since I’m writing this I decided I should look him up, and apparently he has a website and is working on a new album.

We’re finally going to go home yippee!

I just booked our tickets on the Megabus for tomorrow and It’s going to be a new adventure.

If we don’t drive we usually take Amtrak, but lately the train situation has become unbearable.

Because the passenger trains in Illinois share the same track as the freight trains, we are often stuck sitting on the tracks while we wait for the freight to go by. A trip that normally take 2.5 hours turns into a 4 hour ordeal. And what’s worse is the kind of folks who are on the train with you make you want to pull your hair out. And in my case I’d have to rip my scarf off first and then pull my hair out.

Last time we took Amtrak someone was watching a DVD without headphones so we all had to hear the violent shoot-em up movie the entire ride. Then there were the 2 kids that were so obnoxious my own daughter couldn’t fall asleep. One was a little girl who was probably about a year old and she was crying so hard she started to almost go into convulsions. I was so stressed out. I mean what do you do? Ask the parent if you can help or ignore it or call child services?

The other kid was a little boy about the same age as the screaming girl and he was standing on his seat about to tumble over the side while his mom sat there texting and then later I noticed she decided to go to sleep. This kid was whimpering the entire ride and trying to get his mom to notice him.  It was so depressing to see.

I vowed I would never ride Amtrak again.

So, here we are now, about to embark on a new form of transportation that has only received glowing reviews from friends. It’s cheaper than Amtrak and it gets to where it’s going without delays. I hope it lives up to its hype of  “air conditioned, clean, free wi-fi, free snacks and a bathroom on board.”

My only fear is that if it’s this good, it will soon enough be taken over by the train folks!

For some reason where my parents live is referred to as “the boonies”.

Maybe it’s because it’s far from Chicago (about three hours) and there are tons of corn fields and farms, not to mention the occasional woods here and there.

Well, I’m currently here helping my parents renovate one of their bathrooms and it looks like it’s going to be awhile.

My husband is really the one doing everything while everyone else (myself included) tries to tell him what he’s doing right and what’s wrong.

Poor guy has really put up with a lot. Not to mention it’s Ramadan and he’s doing all this labor intensive stuff while fasting.

I really hope he gets some brownie points with God!

In any case, this ambitious project is taking a lot longer than we expected. I think it’s mostly because of the constant debating that goes on regarding things like what we should install for the floor, what kind of sink we need, where the light fixtures are going to go, etc. If we spent more time actually doing work and less time talking we’d probably be done by now.

However, at the end of the day it’s all in good fun. It’s great to be around family again because living in isolation in the city can get cumbersome.

I’m just crossing my fingers that we get back to town and out of the boonies. There is nothing to do here besides eat, sleep, eat some more, sleep, drive around, or hang out at Super Walmart. It makes me appreciate the city that much more.

Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out at Walmart and finding deals, but I just want to sleep in my own bed, wake up and take a nice walk along the lake while the weather is still bearable.

It’s my birthday today and I can’t believe I’m one year older!

Hopefully this means another year of discovering the world and all it has to offer.

Usually people seem to get all bummed out about getting old, and I feel that way at times. But then I think to myself,

“Self, you’ve got to just move on and enjoy life because it’s too short!”

So, this year I’m hoping to do more than just sit and think about what it is that I want to accomplish. I want to actually get out there and reach for things that I dream about.

I’m such a procrastinator and then I try to compensate by doing all the things I should have done in a very short amount of time. That is the way you get burned out!

So, here is to a new year, and a new outlook.

My mother called me yesterday.

“I have some sad news, your grandmother passed away last night”.

I was speechless and all I remember saying was, “Are you serious?”

I then cried for literally 2 seconds and quickly stopped myself because my daughter was looking up at me with a frightened expression.

And that was it. No major tears. Nothing.

I think part of it is because the last time I saw my grandmother was four years ago at my wedding. She had come all the way from Beirut, Lebanon for the occassion. I didn’t keep in touch as much as I should have.

When I was younger and we went a few times to Lebanon for the summer, I remember how I would cry my eyes out when our vacation was over. Once we got back home I’d still cry for days and look at her picture and miss her so much. Maybe I just cried all my tears back then and didn’t realize it.

What I feel sad about mostly though is my dad. Seeing him sad makes me sad. I know he wishes he could have been there with her.

My grandmother was suffering from various ailments, and I hope that now she can finally rest in peace.

I love you Tayta and I’ll miss you.

Living in a big city means lots of buildings and lots of windows. OK I know I’m stating the obvious here. But seriously, lots of windows is a great thing for anyone who has to check themselves out every now and then.

Come on, you know what I’m talking about!

I see all those people walking to work taking a side glance, pretending to look inside and see what’s going on, when they really want to make sure they look good.

We’ve all done it. And I have to say it’s genius!

(It’s even better if you’re wearing sunglasses because no one can really tell you’re looking at your own reflection off that shiny piece of glass).

The other thing you’ll find in big city’s are lots of elevators. Every tall building has them, but you can take the stairs if you can survive the 30 flights it takes to get to your apartment.

In any case, it occurred to me today that all elevators should have mirrors. Why you ask?

Well I was off to pick up my husband from work and as I walking over, toddler in tow, the wind came out of nowhere.

I started to panic. My outfit was a mess and my scarf was all tussled. How would I know if I looked presentable to the corporate world or if I just looked like another bum off the street? I needed a mirror STAT!

It then occurred to me, had their been a mirror in the elevator on the way up to my husband’s office, I could have drastically reduced my stress level.

Today I was watching an episode of “Toddlers and Tiaras” on TLC and started thinking about whether I would ever put my daughter in a pageant.

Then on screen comes the pageant director talking about swimsuits and the rules for the kids in the contest.

“Generally we allow one piece and two piece bathing suits, even bikinis. The only thing we don’t allow are thongs, because thongs are very hard to pull off a perfect body in.”

OK let’s rewind that one more time. Did she just say THONGS? And was she talking about 5 year olds?

I thought she was going to say because it’s INAPPROPRIATE but all she could say was their bodies wouldn’t look good in them?

I’m sick to my stomach now. And I’m never watching another episode. GROSS.

A lot of people may not understand that the process of putting together a short video is often a very grueling undertaking.

I remember how I used to laugh when I’d read articles focusing on celebrities and they’d say things like, “It was a very rough shoot, 15 hours straight!”

I’d say to myself: “Come on, you’re getting paid big bucks, who cares how long it takes?”

Now, granted I’ve never shot anything that long and I’m not a celebrity, I can totally appreciate where they are coming from.

I finally finished filming the online series Hijabtrendz Television for my fashion/beauty/entertainment website and I’m totally pooped!

I’m hoping people will enjoy this new series, we’re on season four now, but you never know. I’ve gotten some pretty strange comments from folks, everything from criticizing the quality to reprimanding me for *gasp* making hijab fashionable.

I wish they could see just how much work goes into putting together a 5 minute segment. It ain’t easy! Not to mention I’m working with equipment that is slowly aging before my eyes.

Oh well, you can’t please everyone but yourself, so as long as I’m happy I’ll keep at it.

All I can do is try to improve a little more each time I shoot a new series and hope some producer somewhere *hint* * hint* will pick up the show.

I quit my job this past January as a morning radio news anchor because the hours were getting to me. I would wake up at 4am and run off to catch a cab to work. Then I’d hustle back home by 9am so my husband could get to work.

In the beginning it was the perfect arrangement. I’d never have to put my daughter in day care. But as time went on it took its toll on me. I felt too tired to even take care of my daughter during the day. And if she ever woke up in the middle of the night, due to teething or other issues, I’d be lucky to get 3 hours of sleep.

The money I wasted on cab rides was quite annoying as well, at least 5-7 bucks one way.  But it was too dark outside to walk,  and the area near my work was a little on the iffy side. ( I had encounters with crazy drunks while trying to get out of the cab on some days).

It took me so long to muster up the courage to quit. I kept thinking that if I left this job I would have no identity left. People would automatically assume I was just another housewife or mom and write me off.

The reason I felt like that is because as soon as people knew I was pregnant it was “Are you going to quit?”, “If you stay home too long your brain will turn to mush”, “If you quit your job in news you’ll never get back in because they want people who are up to date on everything”.

So of course I felt like a complete failure, but I knew I had to do it. I had to get myself back on track and able to function during the day.

I had to sacrifice some of my dreams in order to fulfill the dreams of a little human being who stole my heart the moment she was born.

Thank you for visiting mariamsobh.com

If you were ever wondering who she is, or have come across her name during a Google search, this is the place to be.

You’ll finally know the true story of her life and what she’s all about.

This site includes regular updates on what she’s up to as well as stories of her past and where she’s been.

Feel free to stay awhile, this is going to be an interesting journey.